Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Peanut butter m&m's are far superior to peanut m&m's

After significant (significant) research I have come to the conclusion that the Peanut Butter M&M's are just much better than the Peanut M&M's, and I thought you should know. Try them consecutively and repeatedly as I have and tell me if you don't agree.

I have several things to discuss with you and not a whole lot of time in which to do that so we're going to move rather quickly here.

Photos: Here is a picture of Pickle the Mouth Breather taken at our last ultrasound.

The top of the image is all cloudy because there was not enough room between her forehead and the uterine wall for the ultrasound to get a clear reading. We have one more ultrasound appointment before the due date but getting another great shot will be tough . She's waaaay down in my pelvis and there just isn't a whole lot of room in there.

She's either going to be a dancer or an epileptic judging by the amount of movement that is apparently necessary in utero. She still doesn't have this mythical 'down time' I hear so much about. When I first wake up and if I stay reaaally still, she's quiet but as soon as she knows I'm up, she's up too and giving me a rousing rendition of the dance number from Let's Call the Whole Thing Off ( Fred and Ginger Calling The Whole Thing Off ) and it really doesn't stop throughout the day. I am losing hope that she will take after the Captain in this regard and be a solid napper. She will be more like me I think and not want to sleep much because she might be missing something cool.

Moving on.

Pregnancy Pro-Tip: Do not get a new Driver's License picture in the eighth month of  pregnancy. Although The Captain and I were married in August of 2009, I had taken my sweet time processing  all the name-change shenanigans, but as The Pickle's arrival loomed ever closer, I realized it was probably time for me to become an official "Mrs. Captain".

And at the DMV, those bastards made me take a new picture...at eight months pregnant. When the DMV employee took the shot he actually said 'Very nice. Pretty picture.' I don't know what he was looking at. Because what I'm looking at is something that very closely resembles a mug-shot of a bloated and dazed street person. I'm tempted to go pay another $25 and have another picture taken after I have the kid. Ridiculous? Yes. Yet still a possibility? Yes.

Grandma: My mom will be in the labor and delivery room with me so I took her on a tour of the maternity ward at Hoag. It is a lovely place but throughout the tour I could hear these little 'hmphs' every once in awhile coming from the direction of my mom as the nurse spoke. At the end of the tour, as we were walking toward the elevators she hissed in my ear,

"I feel like I gave birth to you in a CAVE!"  

What a difference 30 years makes.

Baby Showers: I had my baby shower. It was wonderful to see all my friends and family together. I am, however, at a stage in my pregnancy where I sweat profusely even if I'm doing nothing at all and opening gift after gift in front of a crowd with sweat droplets gathering on my upper lip and in my knee pits, kind of awkward

It was a milestone though and I spent the rest of the day in a very introspective state. After seeing all these things the baby would use and clothes she would wear, she became more real to me in a way that is difficult to explain.

My friend Kelly who threw the shower had everyone decorate some little onesies for The Pickle while they were there. They were hanging to dry in the sun on a clothesline in my mom's backyard and it was such a pretty picture, all these teensy little onesies with my friends' personalities all over them. It made me choke up... just a little.

Unexpected Pregnancy Symptoms #642 and #643:
 #642: Do you remember falling riiiight on your crotch on the jungle gym or your bike as a kid and it hurt so much it took your breath away? Well that's what getting punched in the hoo-ha from the inside kind of feels like. It's not as bad but it definitely makes you wheeze and stop whatever you're doing.

#643: Hearing loss. It doesn't happen to everyone but the jacked-up levels of hormones in a pregnant woman's body can do exciting things and one of those things for me is not being able to hear very well. A conversation with my boss when there is a lot of background noise could currently go something like this:

Boss: Leah, can you please grab those copies from the printer for this meeting

Leah: The waves are choppy and you have a splinter from the seating?!?! What the hell are you talking about?

Boss: [sigh] Nevermind.

Blessings Upon The Captain: It's not easy to sleep with an unwieldy woman taking upwards of three minutes to shift from one side to the other, right next to you, several times a night. I tend to make lot of noise while I'm doing it too (see: groans, moans, grumblings, grunts).  It's so super sexy [\sarcasm] yet he makes me feel beautiful and loved every day and I am unbelievably fortunate to have him.

Stay tuned. We are full term in two weeks and that's when The Pickle will get her eviction notice. We'll see how she takes it.



Thursday, June 3, 2010


I'm over it now... I know it's ridiculous, I just feel like I'm packing on the weight at this point (which I know is what is supposed to happen, don't try to reason with me, I'm insane right now) and my rear-end and thighs are taking one for the team.

I have mirrors on my closet doors in my new house, and I spent some quality time with them this morning... That was probably a bad idea... I didn't even get my usual after-OB appointment celebratory egg, cheese and hash brown burrito from the Del Taco, which made me sad because those things are stupid-good.

My juvenile vanity being set aside, I'm moving on.

Had my 32 week OB appointment today. Everything still looking great, however dig THESE numbers: Baby is measuring large by a week. My uterus is measuring small by a week. (both numbers are in great normal range) My OB says 'you're probably feeling pretty stuffed right about now, hahahaha'. Oh ha, ha, ha. Comedy isn't your thing doc, stick to the baby-birthin... She reminds me of the church lady for some reason. Can you imagine that in the labor and delivery room?!

Church Chat with Danny Devito and Willie Nelson

'Loooooks like we're going to hafta do a liiiiittle episiotomy. Isn't that special?'

My fetal diagnostic tests start tomorrow. My doctor told me today that although she doesn't anticipate anything being wrong since this pregnancy has gone perfectly, from here on out, I have to go to Hoag twice a week for non-stress tests on the babeh, due to my being diagnosed with and treated for severe high blood pressure before I got pregnant and that I need to have my go-bag packed because if anything shows up on the tests, the hospital will not allow me to leave... whoah. That info was such a mind-bender it caused me to create quite the run-on sentence there. Did you see that?

Anyway, five more weeks and we will have a full term baby on our hands...



A buck fifty coming soon


i'll post more when i've finished with this panic attack...