Friday, April 9, 2010

Look out! This rant is liable to take a head off...

I'm sitting here with powdered sugar all down my front (including my large belly) licking the jelly out of the center of a jelly-filled (powdered) doughnut wondering what the hell has happened to me.

I feel gross today.  I'd been doing a really good job of moving my butt nearly every day, but since the almost back to back stomach flu and sinus infection/head cold I haven't exercised nearly as much. So so why am I eating this jelly donut?!  WHY?!  I don't really even WANT the jelly filled doughnut. But it's there, sooooo... you know....

WHO IS THIS PERSON!? And will she go away once I have the baby?? I can't wait until I'm getting all my sugars and carbohydrates from healthy things like beer and wine again...

A woman in my office came by my desk this morning to 'commiserate' and tell me she is fighting a STOMACH FLU and has already thrown up twice today. *$@(#**#)(*#.   Listen lady, I don't need to be a hero, I don't come in the office if I'm contagious and/or BARFING. Get your carrier-monkey butt out of here because if I catch the stomach flu again I will have my revenge and it will involve forced repeated viewings of Xanadu and sleep deprivation.

She also mentioned this is the second time she's had it in three weeks. Well gee, I wonder where I caught my farking stomach flu THREE WEEKS AGO! :fistshake: Why don't you just come over here and lick all of my office supplies individually and don't forget my keyboard and phone. I'm hoping this will help in my Justifiable Homicide defense when I kill you.

Note: I'm not going to kill anyone, but I feel a lot better having threatened to kill someone. Does that make me a bad person? Please don't judge...

I'm really glad it's Friday.



  1. Ahhh Happy Friday! Spray her in the face with sanitizer. >.< I think a few doughnuts is fair trade for a steady diet of martinis. Just think - no hangover. No hangover. NO HANGOVER! =) We'll get you back on a martini diet once little picklette is out!

  2. Isn't Friday great?!

    I agree with the previous comment, spray her with sanitizer or Lysol. Conspiciously spray every single thing she touches in your office with Lysol after she touches it, including spraying the chair after she gets up. If she makes a comment just tell her that you can't afford to get sick right now on top of growing a human being.